Rome

Debt scares the hell out of me. You'd think that by this point in my life I'd be used to it, what with massive amounts of student loans. Nope. Every time I use my credit card, even if it's for something completely necessary or a total bargain, I get a panicky feeling. I'd like to think I'm good with money for the most part. I mean, I don't shop frivolously or make big purchases (although my food-and-alcohol addiction leaves much to be desired). But for all of my frugality and coupon-shopping I still can't help the fact that I have loans and credit card debt. Some of you out there may respond with "Yes, you can help it!" I assure you though, I cannot. If it weren't for student loans I would not be where I am right now in my education. Sure, I would have loved to have saved money before school, or to have been able to supplement my loans with some sort of outside income, but it just wasn't in the cards. My pre-college jobs at California Pizza Kitchen, a law office, and Reprise did little more than pad my resume, and my during-college jobs at various locations really only helped satisfy my before-mentioned food-and-alcohol addiction. I know I shouldn't stress about the student loans--after all, they've allowed me to get an education and live a far more interesting life than I could have otherwise--however, the thought of paying them back terrifies me. I don't want to be a slave to my loan payments. I want to be able to buy a house, have nice things, live comfortably, travel everywhere. I'm getting off track though, as what I really wanted to talk about was that last goal--traveling.

I have a somewhat embarrassing confession. I'm reading "Eat, Pray, Love." I say embarrassing because I feel like I've hopped on some bandwagon, what with the craze around the movie ever-escalating. Alas, my friend Joby suggested it to me, and being that she has never failed to suggest things I love, be it movies or books or purses, I thought it wise to give it a shot. There's this paragraph where the author talks about travel in a way that made me literally say out loud, "That's how I feel!" She says, "...traveling is the great true love of my life. I have always felt, ever since I was sixteen years old and first went to Russia with my saved-up babysitting money, that to travel is worth any cost or sacrifice. I am loyal and constant in my love for travel, as I have not always been loyal and constant in my other loves." And how fitting that this description is set in Rome, the very place that solidified my travel obsession! I know, I know, "obsession" may require actually doing the activity, but for now, in the midst of law school, all I can do it daydream and plan. Anyway, I love the part about cost and sacrifice. In a small period of time, from November of 2007 until January of 2008, I went to New York City, Germany, and Italy for the first time. It was so memorable, so fun, so exciting! I don't regret that I am still paying those trips off because they were just so, so worth it. For all my money stress and anxiety, I would not give those travels up. Hopefully someday I will be able to pick back up on it, and hopefully by then I'll be able to do it on my own savings and not credit.

I just have to try to remind myself that the debts I've incurred so far in life aren't anything to be ashamed of. It's not like I'm out buying designer purses...I'm educating myself, both in the traditional sense and the cultural sense. Now if only I could balance it out with a little more travel and a little less law...someday, maybe.