On Being Alone

"Lonely is a freedom that breathes easy and weightless and lonely is healing if you make it."

There are two sides of me that are sometimes difficult to reconcile. One day I can be the most extroverted person ever, but the next I'll want nothing to do with people at all--in fact, the mere thought of needing to make conversation will seem exhausting. Being alone started out as something I was merely comfortable with and has slowly morphed into a requirement in my life. I need some time to just sit in my apartment and read, or cook, or sleep, or dance, or write, or watch mindless TV. Alone. There is something to be said about doing these activities with someone else, but most of the time I really savor being with myself. I used to think this made me weird in some way, but I'm coming to think of it as an asset. I know plenty of people who can't do a damn thing on their own. I'm sure you know of such a person. They're always texting you to go to the grocery store or the park or the gym with them. Again, there is something to be said about having companionship, but independence is good too. I remember the first time I went to a movie by myself. It felt odd at first, especially when people kept asking if the seat next to me was taken. But after the second time around, I pretty much realized I prefer that activity alone. I mean, why not? I get to choose the movie, choose the time, choose the theatre, and I don't have to wait around for someone else's taste, mood, and schedule to sync with mine. This all came about after a friend and I promised to see a movie together, but she kept flaking everytime we made plans. The movie was about to leave the theatre for good when I finally had the epiphany that I should just go see it myself.

Besides "outside" activities though, I also just love hanging out at my apartment. Living alone was the best decision I made. First of all, there are two things about me that make it difficult to have roommates: I'm very organized and I'm a light sleeper. So I've molded my apartment into a sort of comfort haven for myself (that's what our home is supposed to be anyway, right?) When I think of my apartment I think of good food and a comfortable bed. I love entertaining and sharing this with people, but I sometimes find myself (during the social event) looking forward to when they leave and I can have my space back. Ha! Maybe it's just the stressful time in my life and the fact that I am clinging to familiar comforts. In any case, as I sit here on my couch, still in my pajamas, with my laptop and my tea and the sun (thankfully!), I feel nothing but contentment. I like the fact that I can be happy like this...really, really happy. And if someone calls me right now to invite me out, then great. But, if they don't, I'll be fine with that too. Besides, I'm getting behind on my "Thriller" dance practice.

Please watch this if you haven't before: "How To Be Alone"